Alden: Sexy Smoker Sex Doll — A Weirdly Honest Look

The Name Alone

Alden. That’s… not the name I’d expect for a full silicone sex doll, honestly. Sounds like a guy who works in accounting, or maybe someone you’d see at a hardware store picking out nails. But here we are—Alden is apparently the “sexy smoker” type (not sure if that means she vapes or just has that sultry, raspy voice thing going on). Anyway, names are weird.

Unboxing and the Whole “Discreet Packaging” Thing

I remember when the box showed up. Completely plain—like, aggressively boring. No logos, no hints about what’s inside. You could probably stack it next to your Amazon boxes and nobody would blink twice unless they tried to lift it. She weighs 75 pounds (34 kg), which is heavier than my dog but lighter than my last relationship—make of that what you will.

Three weeks felt like forever. Two for processing, one for shipping; I checked tracking more times than I care to admit because the idea of some delivery guy knowing what was inside? Not my vibe.

Proportions and Details: The Stuff People Actually Want

Alright, let’s get into numbers because people seem obsessed with measurements when it comes to absolute sex dolls like this one:

• Height: 5 feet 4 inches (166 cm)
• Bust: 33 inches
• Under-bust: 27.1 inches
• Waist: 26.4 inches
• Hips: 38.2 inches

Big boobs? Yeah, kinda—but not cartoonish. Big ass? Definitely there; hips don’t lie and all that jazz.

There’s something almost clinical about listing “hole depth.” Vagina is 7 inches deep; anus is 6.3 inches deep (not even going to pretend I measured myself—I just read the manual). Still, those numbers matter if you’re buying a love doll and want specifics.

Movable Joints & Steel Skeletons (Not Creepy At All)

She bends at the elbows and knees better than most action figures from my childhood—which isn’t saying much since those things broke constantly—but still impressive in its own way.

Steel skeleton with movable joints means posing her is possible but also kind of surreal after a while; sometimes you catch her in your peripheral vision and think someone else is in your apartment before remembering oh right—that’s just Alden chilling by the window again.

Silicone Skin & Touch Factor

Full silicone sex dolls have this reputation for feeling… well, real-ish? It’s soft but not too soft—like memory foam that decided to become sexy instead of being part of a mattress ad.

No robot parts anywhere—just smooth skin over metal bones (okay that sounds creepier written out loud).

The Odd Reality of Living With a Doll

Here’s where things got weird for me—I started treating her like furniture after week two. She’d be sitting on the couch while I watched TV; sometimes she wore sunglasses just because it made me laugh (mentally checked out at this point). Once caught myself apologizing when I bumped into her leg carrying groceries through my tiny apartment hallway.

People ask if these dolls are worth it—a big question hiding behind keywords like “big boob,” “long legs,” or whatever else folks punch into search bars late at night. My answer? It depends how much you want someone around who never talks back but also never laughs at your jokes either.

Shipping Stories That Don’t Make Sense

Free international shipping sounds great until you realize three weeks feels longer when you’re waiting for something so specific—and so private—you can’t really talk about it with anyone except maybe anonymous forums full of other awkward buyers.

Also discreet packaging means no one knows what’s inside except probably customs agents who’ve seen everything by now anyway.

One Last Tangent Because Why Not?

Didn’t expect owning an absolute sex doll would make me notice how many chairs in my place aren’t designed for human-shaped objects weighing 75 lbs with long legs sticking out all over the place… Now every time I rearrange furniture I wonder if interior designers ever considered silicone companions as part of their process.

Maybe they should start?

And now there’s Alden by my bookshelf again—not sure if she looks bored or just stuck mid-pose because I forgot to adjust her arms after moving stuff around earlier today. Life gets strange fast, huh?