Alice: Secret Party Sex Doll — A Weirdly Honest Take

The Box That Wasn't a Box

I’ll start here because, honestly, it was the first thing that made me nervous. You know that moment when you order something… not exactly mainstream? There’s this low-key panic about what the delivery guy’s going to think. But the Alice: Secret Party Sex Doll showed up in this totally nondescript box—no weird logos, nothing screaming “Hey! It’s a five-foot-four silicone sex doll!” Just cardboard. I remember thinking, is this really it? Kind of a relief.

Not Light, Not Heavy — Just… There

Dragging 88 pounds up two flights of stairs isn’t glamorous. It’s doable, but don’t picture yourself tossing her over your shoulder like a gym bag. She’s got weight—a realness to her (40 kg if you’re counting). When you finally get her out and upright (which takes more effort than I’d expected), there’s an odd moment where she almost feels like someone else in the room. Her long legs and big butt—yeah, they stand out right away.

Details That Actually Matter

People talk about “realistic” all the time with absolute sex dolls and I used to roll my eyes at that word. But then you see those D-cup full silicone breasts and there’s this weird uncanny valley feeling—soft but firm, not rubbery or cold like old-school stuff. The bust is 32 inches, waist 23”, hips 40.5”—the kind of proportions that look cartoonish on paper but somehow make sense in person.

The joints have their quirks too—the steel skeleton moves pretty naturally once you get the hang of it (takes some trial and error). Sometimes an arm flops where you don’t expect; sometimes you nail a pose and surprise yourself.

The Odd Reality of Options

Vaginal or anal—it’s all possible here. No sugarcoating: both work better than I’d guessed for something synthetic. Vagina depth is 7.1 inches; anus is 6.3 inches deep (they give these numbers in the manual which felt oddly clinical). Maybe TMI, but it helps if you’re actually shopping for fit.

If anything threw me off at first? How much prep goes into cleaning afterward—not difficult exactly, just one of those parts nobody mentions much on product pages.

Four Weeks Is Longer Than You Think

The site says three weeks processing plus another week for shipping—four weeks total before Alice arrives at your door (free international shipping though). Feels fast when you click “Buy,” feels slow around week three when anticipation gets weirdly specific (“Did customs eat my doll?” crossed my mind more than once).

There was no tracking drama though—and yeah, discreet packaging held up even through international shipping.

Something Unexpected

This will sound odd: after unboxing her and messing around with poses for a while (not even getting to sex yet), there was this pause where I just sat back and looked at her sitting on my bed—legs stretched out long as life itself—and wondered who else does this sort of thing? Maybe lots of people do now; maybe nobody talks about it out loud.

It wasn’t awkward exactly… just different from what I expected after reading all those polished reviews online about busty dolls with big boobs or juicy curves or whatever keyword people are chasing today.

If You're Still Wondering…

Would I call Alice one of the best absolute sex dolls out there? Hard to say without trying them all—but she does feel premium in ways that matter: skin texture, joint movement, overall realism (that steel skeleton helps). Processing time is what it is; cleaning takes patience; storage needs planning unless your closet has space for someone five feet four inches tall who doesn't fold easily.

Anyway—I guess if you're curious enough to Google things like "big ass sex doll" or "long legs silicone," you'll probably get what you're looking for with Alice… just expect a few surprises along the way.

And yeah—I still catch myself glancing over sometimes thinking she moved by herself. Probably just tired eyes again—or maybe that's part of why people buy these things in the first place? Hmm...