Emmylou: Saloon Maid Sex Doll – A Real User’s (Skeptical) Walkthrough

Why Even Bother?

(No, Seriously)

I’ll admit it—ordering a realistic silicone sex doll wasn’t on my bucket list. Not even close. But after seeing the endless ads for Emmylou, the so-called “Saloon Maid” from Absolute Sex Dolls, I got… well, not curious exactly. Annoyed? Maybe that’s closer. There’s something about those pop-ups and their promises of “big breasts,” “long legs,” and “tan skin” that just feels like they’re trying too hard.

Anyway, one night—don’t ask what led up to this—I clicked through. And then I kept clicking. It was weirdly easy to justify: research, right? For science or whatever.

Unboxing (and That Whole Shipping Thing)

Here’s where I expected things to go sideways. Ordering a 4 foot 11 inch tall sex doll (yes, 150 cm) off the internet doesn’t exactly scream privacy. But they actually do ship these things in totally plain boxes—no branding at all. The wait is another story; you’re looking at around three weeks total between processing and shipping, which kind of drags when you’re already second-guessing your life choices.

The box was heavy but manageable (57-ish pounds). Still lighter than carrying groceries for an extended family reunion.

First Touch: Silicone vs Reality

Okay—this part surprised me more than it should have. Emmylou is made from realistic silicone, which isn’t code for “feels like a pool toy.” It’s… softer? More skin-like than I expected. She’s got a steel skeleton with movable joints; sometimes they creak if you move her too fast but honestly most people probably wouldn’t notice unless they’re hyper-aware like me.

Her measurements are all there in black-and-white: bust nearly 30 inches, hips over 35 inches, waist under 20 inches—which sounds cartoonish until you see her in person and realize somebody out there thinks this is normal anatomy.

Functionality (Yes, All Three Options)

Let’s get real: people don’t buy these dolls for polite company or philosophical debates about the old west saloon era. Emmylou has three functional entries—vaginal (6.7 inches deep), anal (6.6), oral (5.1)—which is more information than I ever thought I’d know about anything in my apartment.

Setting her up takes some effort thanks to those steel joints; she holds positions well enough once you get used to how stiff new dolls can be at first.

For anyone wondering about proportions—she wears a women’s size 6 shoe if you care about realism down to footwear—and yes, her boobs are as prominent as advertised by Absolute Sex Dolls’ endless keyword parade.

Odd Details You Don’t See in Ads

One thing nobody mentions is how cold she feels out of the box—or after sitting still for any length of time—which can be jarring if you’re expecting warmth or lifelike body heat. Also… cleaning isn’t glamorous but it matters unless you want your investment turning into a science experiment gone wrong.

There are little quirks too: sometimes her fingers bend oddly due to the internal wires; every now and then her tan skin tone looks different depending on lighting—a bit uncanny under harsh LEDs honestly.

Unexpected Moment of Reflection

I remember thinking halfway through setting up her hair—it comes slightly flattened from shipping—that this whole experience toes some odd line between embarrassing and strangely practical. Like… nobody tells you that owning a silicone sex doll means learning new skills: dressing someone who can’t help at all is its own challenge.

And yet—if someone wants an Asian-featured doll with big etc., Emmylou does deliver on what Absolute Sex Dolls claims she will look like out of the box (give or take some airbrushing).

Is It Worth It?

Here’s where my skepticism kicks back in full force: does having a 150 cm tall sex doll make life better? Maybe not better—but definitely weirder in ways that aren’t all bad or good either way. Some folks might find comfort here; others might just want something different because dating apps are exhausting or lonely nights pile up faster than dishes in my sink lately.

At least shipping is free internationally—even if waiting almost a month makes impulse buying impossible unless your impulses plan ahead by several weeks…

Not Quite What You Expect

One last thing before I forget—the whole discreet packaging deal works fine until your neighbor helps carry the box inside because he thinks it’s furniture or something harmless from IKEA and now he knows way too much about your taste in home décor—or lack thereof.

Anyway—I guess that sums it up for now.