Joanna: Camping Fling Sex Doll – The Oddest Plus-One I’ve Ever Unpacked

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but here we are.

You ever find yourself scrolling through absolute sex dolls websites at 2am, eyes glazed over, and suddenly—there she is. Joanna. Not a person, obviously. A camping fling sex doll. Five foot six of platinum silicone and red hair that’s almost too shiny to be believable, but not quite enough to look fake-fake. I don’t know why the phrase “fit with long legs” stuck in my brain like a bad pop song lyric, but it did.

I bought her because…well, who actually has a good reason for these things? Curiosity? Boredom? Maybe just the novelty of seeing “free international shipping” on something that weighs 84 pounds and stands taller than some of my friends.

There’s Something Surreal About Delivery Day

It’s one thing to click ‘Order’ on a website promising discreet packaging—another thing entirely when a nondescript box the size of a small coffin lands at your door three weeks later. No logos. No labels. Just pure mystery for the neighbors.

Dragging 38 kilos (that’s about 84 lbs if you’re still using old money) up two flights of stairs was more cardio than I’d done all month. Joanna arrived with zero fanfare and even less ceremony—unless you count me cursing under my breath as an event.

Details That Stick With You (Whether You Want Them Or Not)

Here’s where it gets weirdly technical. They list all her measurements: bust (31.9 inches), under bust (25.2), waist (22), hips (36.2). And then there are hole depths—vagina: 6.3 inches, anus: 5.1 inches—which feels oddly clinical until you realize someone out there really wants to know exactly how far they can go with their new tall redhead companion.

Steel skeleton inside; joints move pretty much however you want them to move—within reason, unless you’re into yoga poses no human could survive.

Anyway—I remember thinking she looked younger than expected but also somehow ageless in that uncanny valley way only sex dolls manage to pull off.

The Camping Angle Is…A Choice

You read “camping fling” and imagine some wild adventure under the stars with your big-breasted fit friend named Joanna who never complains about bugs or cold ground or existential dread at three in the morning.

Reality check: lugging an adult-sized platinum silicone sex doll into the woods is not what those Instagram van-lifers are doing when they say #adventurecouplegoals.

But hey—the fantasy sells itself better than most dating apps do these days.

Joints That Move Like Yours Don’t

One thing about these absolute sex dolls: they have steel skeletons with movable joints that put my own creaky knees to shame. You set her up by the campfire—or wherever—and she stays there without complaining about rocks digging into her thighs or mosquitoes biting places best left unmentioned.

Weirdly enough, posing her felt more like assembling expensive furniture than anything remotely erotic at first.

Processing Time Feels Like Forever (And Then It Doesn’t)

Three or four weeks doesn’t sound long until you’re waiting for something this ridiculous and personal to arrive from somewhere across the ocean in plain brown wrapping paper that screams nothing-to-see-here-please-ignore-my-life-choices-thanks.

The anticipation morphs into dread halfway through week two; by week four it’s just background noise while you wonder if customs will call your bluff and open Pandora’s box anyway.

Did Anyone Actually Notice?

There was this moment—I swear—where I thought my neighbor clocked me wrestling Joanna-in-a-box down the hallway and gave me that look people reserve for folks who buy weird stuff online late at night after too many beers or heartbreaks or both.

Maybe he didn’t notice though? Hard to say; people pretend not to see things more often than not nowadays anyway.

Would I Do It Again?

Honestly…I don’t know if anyone needs a camping fling sex doll named Joanna in their life—but maybe needing isn’t really part of it at all? Sometimes curiosity wins out over common sense and ends up as an oddly-shaped package sitting awkwardly in your living room for longer than planned.

She does what she says on the tin: vaginal options available, proportions straight out of someone’s fever dream spreadsheet, free shipping if you can wait half a month plus change—and yeah, discreet as advertised unless your building has nosy neighbors with nothing better to do on delivery day.

That’s probably enough oversharing for one afternoon—I’ll leave it at that before I start wondering what else people are unboxing behind closed doors around here…