Laguna: Oiled Up Stripper Sex Doll — A Tired Blogger’s Take

The Odd Reality of Unboxing Something Like This

You ever order something online and immediately regret it? Not because you don’t want it, but because the anticipation is weirdly exhausting. That’s kind of what happened with Laguna, this thick and curvy H-cup sex doll from Absolute Sex Dolls. The box showed up after a few weeks (3 or was it 4? I lost track). Completely plain packaging—no embarrassing labels, no “hey neighbor, look what I bought!” moments. Just a heavy, nondescript box that made me sweat carrying it upstairs.

It’s not light either. Ninety-four pounds—or if you get the weight reduction option, around seventy-five—and honestly, even that feels like too much when you’re already tired from work and life in general. Anyway, once she’s out of the box… there she is. Five foot three (159 cm), tan skin, brunette hair (wig actually), long legs for days. It almost felt like setting up a mannequin for some department store window display except—well—you know.

Details You Notice When You’re Not Really in the Mood

I guess most people would be excited by stats like “H-cup breasts” or “big butt” or whatever other words end up on search engines: boobs, hips, legs—the whole checklist. But when you’re mentally checked out? It just becomes numbers.

Bust: 37.8 inches
Waist: 24.8
Hips: 42.9
Cup size H (which is… large)
Shoe size women’s 6-6.5

There are more measurements than I care to admit I memorized—vagina depth 6.7 inches, anus 6.6 inches (almost identical), mouth about five inches deep if anyone needs to know that for reasons I’m not going to ask about.

And then there’s the steel skeleton with movable joints which sounds robotic but actually means you can pose her however you want without worrying about things snapping off at the worst moment.

The Oiled-Up Thing Is Real

Honestly? The first thing that hit me wasn’t how lifelike Laguna looks—it was how oily she felt fresh out of the box. Silicone dolls need powdering or they pick up every bit of dust and lint in your apartment; nobody ever mentions how much maintenance goes into keeping one clean and vaguely attractive-looking after a week.

She really does have that stripper vibe though—tan skin glistening under crappy apartment lighting, curves everywhere you look (and probably places you don’t). There are moments where she almost looks alive if my eyes blur enough from staring at screens all day.

Functionality vs Fantasy

Vaginal, anal and oral sex are all possible—I mean yes technically—but sometimes reality doesn’t match up with fantasy when your brain won’t cooperate after midnight shifts and too much caffeine.

The joints move pretty smoothly thanks to the steel skeleton inside; posing her isn’t hard unless you forget how heavy she is mid-lift (I did…twice). She stays put wherever you leave her—a little uncanny honestly—but at least there’s no awkward small talk afterward.

Weirdly enough—I remember thinking this—the free international shipping was probably my favorite part of the whole experience because who wants extra fees on top of everything else?

Shipping Time Feels Longer Than It Probably Is

Processing time is two to three weeks plus another week for shipping—that adds up to nearly a month waiting for something that starts feeling less urgent after day ten or so. Maybe that’s just me being impatient (or burnt out). Still—it arrives eventually.

Discreet packaging means nobody will ever know unless they catch you wrestling ninety-something pounds through your hallway at midnight because delivery always seems to happen when everyone else is home too early.

An Unexpected Tangent About Loneliness

This might sound off-topic but here goes: owning something like Laguna makes you notice how quiet your apartment gets sometimes—not sad exactly—just silent in a way only broken by creaky floorboards or late-night fridge hums.

Maybe people buy these dolls for fun or fantasy or whatever—but part of me wonders if it’s also about filling space with something tangible when everything else feels half-finished and digital these days.

Anyway—I should probably go wipe down her arms again before dust settles back on them (it never ends).

That’s pretty much it for now—maybe next time I’ll write about silicone vs TPE or whether tall sex dolls feel more realistic than short ones but right now…my brain needs a break from words altogether.