Tanner: Tall Male Sex Doll (And, Weirdly, Life Coach?)

I’ll be honest, the first time I saw Tanner—yes, the 5 ft 9 inch male sex doll with a detachable penis and a bartender backstory—I laughed.

Loudly. Not at him, exactly. At myself? At how far we’ve come as a species? Hard to say. Anyway, I was quietly impressed that absolute sex dolls now come with personalities cheekier than most guys on dating apps.

The “Philosophy” of Tanner

There’s this line in his description: “My take on life is that we have no idea when the rug will be pulled out from under us, so we owe it to ourselves and everyone around us to have as much sex as possible.” That’s not just marketing copy; it’s basically my friend group’s unofficial motto (minus the self-awareness).

Tanner—the doll—leans into it. He works as a bartender in upstate New York (or he would if he wasn’t made of TPE and steel), then comes down to Manhattan every weekend to party “like the animal he is.” The fantasy is almost too specific…but also kind of charming? There’s something about imagining your sex doll mixing you cocktails before introducing you to his 8-inch detachable cock (“promises even more pleasure than that perfect Mai Tai”) that makes me wonder if real men should worry about being replaced by synthetic competition with better punchlines.

A Closer Look (Literally)

Details matter. Tanner stands at 5 feet 9 inches tall—175 cm for anyone who thinks in metric—and weighs about 123 lbs. Chest: 34 inches; waist: 30; hips: 38; anus: apparently a roomy seven inches deep (who measures these things?). Penis: eight inches and detachable for cleaning or, I don’t know…sharing?

Anal and oral are both possible thanks to some clever engineering involving movable joints and a surprisingly sturdy steel skeleton. It’s like someone asked, “Can absolute sex dolls do yoga?” And then actually made it happen.

Shipping Shenanigans

Here’s where things get oddly practical. Free international shipping! Discreet packaging! No one will know you’re ordering an anatomically correct bartender except maybe your nosy neighbor who tracks UPS deliveries for fun.

Processing takes two weeks; shipping adds another week—three weeks total if you’re counting down days until your new drinking buddy companion arrives. I remember thinking three weeks sounded long until I realized people wait longer for custom sneakers or sourdough starters.

Unexpected Realizations

Somewhere between reading about his “irrepressible sense of humor” and realizing this WM doll probably has more interesting weekends than I do, I started feeling…well, not envious exactly—but definitely reflective. Maybe there’s something liberating about owning your desires so openly? Or maybe having a male sex doll who promises action “between the sheets” is just another way modern loneliness gets creative.

Weirdly enough, after spending time researching Tanner (and yes, staring at those product photos longer than strictly necessary), part of me wanted him as much for his attitude as anything else.

Tiny Contradictions

Is it odd that Tanner feels both hyper-realistic and totally ridiculous? Yes—but isn’t that half the appeal? On one hand: lifelike TPE skin, moveable joints, all those measurements down to the inch. On the other hand: an origin story straight out of fan fiction (“He’d love to meet you…to see where friendship can lead”). The contradiction sort of makes him memorable—a little like meeting someone at a bar who claims they’re secretly famous but won’t prove it.

One Last Tangent (Then Back Again)

This might be off-topic but—I once met an actual bartender named Tanner in Albany who told jokes only slightly worse than this doll's scripted banter. He didn’t have an eight-inch detachable penis though—or if he did he kept quiet about it—which honestly seems like missed opportunity for brand synergy.

Anyway—I guess what I’m saying is: whether you see Tanner as an upgrade on traditional companionship or just another quirky footnote in our ongoing quest for pleasure...he leaves an impression. If nothing else—a reminder that sometimes life hands you strange options and dares you not to laugh while considering them.

That’s probably enough reflection for today.