Fannie: Nextdoor Crush Sex Doll—A Not-So-Subtle Dive Into the Silicone Abyss

You know, every once in a while you stumble across something online that makes you pause mid-scroll, squint at the screen, and then immediately regret reading the product details out loud.

That’s basically what happened with Fannie—the so-called “Nextdoor Crush” sex doll. I mean, is it just me or does naming a silicone love doll after your imaginary neighbor feel… weirdly specific? Anyway.

The Anatomy of Awkward (Specs & Features)

Let’s get this out of the way before my brain starts sabotaging itself with more mental images. Fannie clocks in at 5 feet 3 inches (160 cm), which is—what—a little above average for an absolute sex dolls lineup? She weighs just 64 lbs (29 kg). Light enough to move around but not so light you’ll mistake her for a Halloween prop if she falls over at night. And yes, there’s a steel skeleton inside, which means those joints actually bend. You can pose her. Or not. Up to you.

Her “proportions” read like someone was trying to win a math contest: A-cup bust (27 inches), waist at 22 inches, hips stretching out to 36.6 inches. Kind of cartoonish if you ask me but maybe that’s the point—some people want their fantasy extra geometric.

Oh—and because nothing says romance like measurements—the hole depths are listed too. Vagina: 7.1 inches deep; anus: 6 inches deep. There’s probably some joke about metric conversions here but honestly, I’m not up for it.

The Packaging Game Is Stronger Than My Self-Control

Shipping info always cracks me up with these things: “Discreet packaging!” Like they’re sending plutonium instead of a full silicone sex doll shaped vaguely like your college lab partner from sophomore year bio class who never made eye contact with anyone.

But hey—free international shipping! Except you’ll need patience levels rivaling Buddhist monks because there’s a three-week processing time plus another week for delivery. Four weeks total…which is almost long enough to reconsider your life choices but apparently not quite long enough for everyone.

Skinny Legs and Long Delivery Times

There’s something slightly off-putting about how much emphasis gets put on details like “long legs,” “flat chest,” and “skinny.” It reads less like marketing and more like someone describing their Sims character after five hours of tweaking sliders back and forth until they gave up caring about realism altogether.

I remember thinking—does anyone really care about all these numbers? Or do they just want reassurance that their box won’t show up plastered with giant red letters spelling out SEX DOLL on the side? Maybe both.

The Reality Check Nobody Asked For

Here comes the part where I admit something embarrassing—I did actually consider ordering one once (not Fannie specifically; another model from Absolute Sex Dolls). Curiosity got me; blame late-night boredom or too many pop-up ads featuring suspiciously smooth-looking brunettes promising undying devotion and zero emotional baggage.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t go through with it. Something about waiting four weeks for UPS to deliver my own personal uncanny valley experience made me rethink everything I thought I knew about impulse shopping.

Does Anyone Actually Talk About This?

Weirdly enough, nobody ever brings this stuff up at dinner parties or even in group chats—not unless they’re already three drinks deep and feeling reckless. There’s this unspoken rule that if you buy a silicone love doll, you’re supposed to pretend it never happened—or invent an elaborate story involving art installations or prank gifts gone wrong.

But let’s be real: curiosity exists whether we talk about it or not, especially when things are branded as “nextdoor crush” or come advertised as tall else fits into someone’s idea of fantasy fulfillment in latex form.

The Abrupt Pause

Anyway—I’m not here to judge (too much). If owning Fannie scratches some itch that dating apps never could…well, who am I to say otherwise? People have bought stranger things on the internet for worse reasons than loneliness or curiosity or whatever combination keeps absolute sex dolls in business year after year.

Honestly can’t decide whether we should be impressed by modern engineering or mildly concerned by how detailed these product pages get (“hole depth” will haunt me forever). But hey—that's progress?

And now my coffee's cold again.