Vesper: Slutty Drunk Sex Doll — Not What I Expected (But Here’s the Weird Truth)

The Whole “Drunk” Thing Threw Me Off

I’ll be honest, the first time I saw the Vesper: Slutty Drunk Sex Doll on an absolute sex dolls site, my eyebrow went up. Like, way up. There’s something about marketing a 5 foot 7 inch (169 cm) C-cup full silicone sex doll as “drunk” that just… feels off? Maybe that’s just me being too literal. Or maybe I’ve read one too many clickbait ads for things nobody needs. Still, curiosity wins more often than pride with this stuff.

Unpacking Her Features (And My Skepticism)

The specs are everywhere—C-cup, small breasts but not flat-chested, long legs you kind of can’t ignore if you try. She’s got a steel skeleton with movable joints, which sounds cool until you realize it means she’s heavier than you’d expect at 64.8 lbs (29.4 kg). That weight is no joke when you’re dragging her from closet to bed and back again because your roommate gets home early sometimes.

What really stuck out was the measurements—31.7 inches bust, 22.5 waist, hips at 35.5 inches… It’s all pretty proportional if you’re into that sort of thing. Vesper isn’t cartoonish or exaggerated like some absolute sex dolls I’ve seen floating around online.

Holes & Depths: More Math Than Anticipated

Here’s where things get oddly technical—and weirdly clinical for a product called “Slutty Drunk.” They spell out exactly how deep each hole goes: vagina is 7.1 inches deep, anus is 6.3 inches deep (which honestly made me pause and wonder who measures this stuff). Both options are there; vaginal and anal sex is possible if that matters to you.

I remember thinking: does anyone ever actually check these with a ruler? Maybe someone does.

Shipping Promises & The Discreetness Dilemma

Absolute sex dolls always shout about their discreet packaging—Vesper comes in a plain box with zero labels or branding anywhere on it. Which is good because explaining why you need help carrying a mysterious heavy package upstairs isn’t high on my list of fun conversations.

Processing takes three weeks plus another week for shipping—that part annoyed me more than it should have? Four weeks is forever in internet time when impulse buys are involved.

Costume Not Included (Yeah…)

This part made me laugh—those sexy costumes in promo photos? Not included! Of course not. You get the doll and nothing else except maybe some bubble wrap burns from unboxing her awkwardly fast before anyone walks in.

Small Tangent About Expectations vs Reality

Honestly, when people talk about silicone sex dolls they act like they’re magic or something life-changing—but mostly it’s just another thing to store under your bed and hope no one finds by accident during spring cleaning.

There’s also this weird moment when you realize how cold silicone feels at first touch—the hype never mentions that bit—and how much maintenance goes into keeping everything clean and… unstuck? That was unexpected.

Is She Worth It?

If what you want is a tall-ish C-cup doll with realistic proportions and both holes available for whatever scenario plays out in your head—sure, Vesper checks those boxes better than most cheap knockoffs do.

But calling her “slutty drunk” doesn’t make sense once she arrives—it’s just clever marketing glued onto what amounts to solid engineering and average looks for absolute sex dolls territory.

Anyway—I guess there are worse ways to blow four figures online late at night after too many YouTube reviews goading you on—but don’t expect miracles or instant fulfillment or whatever else those flashy ads promise every five seconds now.

That said… someone out there probably loves her more than I did.